I want to be a woman who listens to God - a woman with an open heart and mind, saying YES to Him, even when I don't see beyond the first step or have all the details figured out.
I want an ear in tune with His voice. Sometimes I find myself unsure if the things I feel or hear are God talking or just me thinking. Anyone else ever feel this way?
I think I'm beginning to to identify more and more when it's undoubtedly Him - I'm usually not crazy about what He's asking me to do. It's generally a challenge, calling me out of my comfort zone, stretching my borders, or asking me to loosen my grip on something.
Early on in college it was a call to go greek. "HA!", I thought, "God wouldn't push me to an environment like that. I must be losing it." But the pull grew stronger and stronger, and the opportunity just kept arising. I felt like either I was crazy, or God was calling me into a dangerous battle field to not only sharpen my faith but also to learn how to find Him and share Him in the least likely of places. I fought it and fought it. Then as you may have guessed, I found myself going through Sorority Recruitment the spring of my sophomore year.
Even after I was given a bid to a house, I STILL had doubts and still thought, "I can pull out of this anytime before I'm initiated in three months. I'll show God this isn't a good place for me."
And I had full intentions to do so. But God softened my heart and brought special people into the beginning stages of the journey to encourage me to stick with it as daunting as it seemed, with open hands and a willingness to be bold in Christ.
At first I was very discouraged, quiet in my faith, and unsure how to really go about it. So I'd slap up some bible verse on Facebook or tell everyone I was going to church so that everyone knew I was a believer. WRONG APPROACH. Sharing the love of Christ isn't about showing how we are a Christian, but rather relying on Him to guide our every step so that we could learn to be love in action, to love the hearts of His people, rather than just put on a facade on the outside. Heart changing requires much more than that. You see, the Holy Spirit showed me that I had developed a habit of asking God what He was calling me to, and then went about doing it without depending on Him for direction each step of the way. I sought God for the larger plan, convinced that if I figured out what He wanted me to do, I could take it from there.
I couldn't have been more wrong. We can't figure it out on our own. I began I realize this after many failed attempts to show Him on my own. Through prayer and growing pains, He began to teach me that He wants my ears more than my efforts. He wants me to LISTEN and respond take over and do the work. That's when things began to change.
When I stopped trying to figure it out on my own, He began to show me how He already had it all figured out.
When I finally began to loosen my grip, I began to see why He called me to such an unexpected place. I had countless conversations with so many beautiful women, learning their stories and hearing their hearts. I saw God grow a bible study from 2-3 girls to over 10 consistent girls in just a few short years. I saw Him work in places I never would have expected - in breakfast conversations, sister walks around campus, and even at parties and other social events I found myself engaging in meaningful discussions about the love of Jesus. I saw my best friend and roommate open her heart to His love.
Above all, I watched Him prove His faithfulness and the fruit of His love in the last place I would have expected over and over again.
For we do nothing on our own, not even Jesus did. Like He tells us in John 5:19,
"So Jesus explained, 'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself. He only does what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.'"
You see, we can't see beyond the next step. Try as we might, we have no way of figuring out all the loose ends. We simply must tune our ears to His voice & say YES, trusting that He already has it all figured out.
We must move when He moves, turning over control to His great plan, one step at a time. It will be revealed in time - but that requires our decision to just say yes.